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Posted by Brian Tubbs May 24, 2008 |
In a recent discussion on the resurrection of Jesus, one of the participants has continued to caricature my views as based on "medieval" reasoning and a faith-based "belief in the authority of the Bible." What this participant fails to appreciate is how I wrestled with doubt in my 20s and early 30s - and how I learned to balance faith and reason.
I grew up in a Christian home. I regularly attended church and went to a Christian school. Christianity literally defined me. I have no regrets over this, but when I came of age and got married, the faith that I grew up with had to become my own.
From my 20s through my early 30s, I went through a series of internal conflicts about that faith. Two periods really stand out - where I put Christianity to the test. In my early 30s, in particular, I came to a point where I refused to simply "toe the line" anymore. Either Christianity was real or it was not. If it wasn't real, then I didn't want to center the rest of my life on it.
During this period of intense doubt, I read parts of Sam Harris' The End of Faith and all of Letter to a Christian Nation. I read Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion and Charles Templeton's Farewell to God. I did a great deal of reading and research from atheist and agnostic sources.
How did it all turn out? Well, I'm now a pastor and I'm the Protestantism Feature Writer at Suite101. I am more committed now to the Christian faith than ever before. Why? Not because of blind faith, but because my faith stood the test of reason.