If you walk into almost any church in America, you’ll find sitting in the pews or chairs a lot of baby-boomer (born 1945-1964) married couples, Generation X (Gen-X) families (born 1965-1983), and of course, the tried and true supporters of many congregations – the 65 and older generations.
What you most likely will not see, however, are the post-college single professionals comprised of both the Gen-Xers and the up-and-coming “Millennials” (born 1983-1996). Why is this? What is it about church and “religious organizations” that is not appealing to young singles?
The Exclusionary Language of “Family”
No doubt, if you’re familiar with the Christian Evangelical movement in any way, shape or form, you’ve heard of the Colorado Springs-based organization started by Dr. James Dobson called “Focus on the Family.”
This group is a staunch supporter of healthy marriages and strong “family values.” While no Christian can really argue against the benefits of a strong family system, some may find it interesting that there are no organizations (at least none that are very well-known) that are titled “Focus on the Singles.”
Looking through most church bulletins, you’ll find a lot of family-oriented activities going on. Here and there you’ll maybe find a “young adult bible study” or its equivalent thrown in as an attempt to reach this missing section of the church’s population.
However, the church as a whole portrays itself as a “family based” institution. This is less than appealing and/or inviting to the single Christian. The very language itself is exclusionary.
The Missing Generation
The church has its work cut out for it if it hopes to appeal to the single Gen-Xer in particular. Gen-X populations are, by nature, skeptical of organizations as a whole, and especially wary of “organized religion.” They’re fiercely independent, driven, successful and highly materialistic (exceptions to this rule of course exist, but in general, this is what has defined this particular generation). They led the way in embracing the phrase, “Spiritual, but not religious.”
Now this is not entirely the Gen-Xers fault. It’s not as though the church has provided a space for singles within its community. For many, church life ended after either confirmation or youth group. Perhaps a few continued to stay connected through a local campus ministry in college, but after that – this population just dropped off the map.
No group that specifically met their needs or spoke to their life situation had been integrated into the church. Singles were seen as a great resource to call upon for volunteer work – but little else. Tired of being expected to solely act as a work-horse within the church, they left and haven’t returned.
Additionally, the ever-increasing pluralism within American society caused the Gen-X Christian to question the claim that Jesus was the only way to God. College campuses were where young Christians were first exposed to and allowed to develop friendships with Buddhists, Atheists, Agnostics, Wiccans, New Agers and a wide variety of other spiritual beliefs.
Faced with the option of either shoving the Bible – which most didn’t know that well to begin with – down their new friends’ throats or simply acquiescing to the idea that there were many different paths to God, most chose the latter option.
Plus, the presence of what became viewed as “campus cults” that preyed on young, vulnerable college students starving for a place to connect and fit in only increased the skepticism regarding organized Christian religion.
Add in the fact that their own church seemed to not care whether they were present or not and continued to practice what seemed like an out-moded, closed-minded, completely out of touch with what was going on in the world type of organization – and voila. The Gen-Xers pulled a disappearing act until they either got married or had children.
Biblical Support for the Single Christian Lifestyle
What churches have forgotten is that both Paul and Jesus laud the single lifestyle. Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 urges both widows and unmarried people to remain single if they are able to do so. If not, then marriage is a far better alternative than living a promiscuous lifestyle.
Jesus in Matthew 19 likewise states that it is far better for a person to remain unmarried than to risk getting into a bad relationship that will ultimately end in divorce (or worse). Jesus admitted, not all could accept this teaching, but praised those who could.
Changing the Culture
If the church ever hopes to regain its single populations within their congregations and not lose all the "Millennials" as well, there needs to be a massive cultural shift in how singles are viewed, treated and addressed. The first change needs to be the language itself. “Focus on the Family” would be better served to say, “Focus on the Faithful Christian Life.”
The Millennial generation is the current "up and coming" generation, and unlike the Gen-Xers, actually is much more community and team oriented. They're interested in what's "authentic" and "real." Holier-than-thou types who don't "practice what they preach" (or preach what they practice) won't bring this generation (or the Gen-Xers for that matter), into the congregations. Technology isn't a big deal to the Millennials - it's too much a part of their every day lives, so those high-powered power-points - they've become passe.
It's about experience, community and honest relationships. Praise bands and contemporary worship don't speak to them the way they drew in the baby-boomers. In essence - show these young singles that you care what they're doing and that they have something to contribute to the life of the church. They're important, and not just good for filling the volunteer roles no one else wants to do.
Sources:
 |
