Surviving Infidelity
Depend on God to Comfort and Heal a Broken Heart
Mar 6, 2009 Jennifer Harrington
Upon discovering that a spouse has been unfaithful, the victim often experiences a myriad of feelings that mirror the stages of grief. After the initial shock, pain and guilt wear off, it’s likely that the victim will feel a sense of anger. During this stage, the betrayed spouse might feel a desire to lash out at or hurt the other person in an attempt to cause pain.
Joseph, Jesus’ stepfather, likely experienced many of the same feelings. It’s almost hard to imagine what he must have felt when he discovered that his betrothed, Mary, was pregnant–presumably with another man’s child. However, because he “was a righteous man,” he opted not to lash out or hurt her emotionally or physically. Instead, the Bible says he chose to divorce her quietly to spare her from public disgrace. In doing so, he also spared her life, for adultery was punishable by death at the time.
Victims of adultery should look to the life of Joseph for inspiration and guidance. Instead of inflicting pain and creating a never-ending cycle of hatred, every attempt should be made to be “righteous” like Joseph and treat the offender with as much respect as humanly possible. Harboring feelings of ill will and anger will only cause more sorrow in the long run, especially if children are involved.
Depend on God
Treating an unfaithful spouse with respect might seem like an impossible task. Finding relief from sadness and despair might seem equally difficult. The key in both instances is to depend on God to provide comfort, healing and strength. Scripture says that God “heals the broken hearted, binding up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3) and gives to His children “comfort and joy instead of sorrow” (Jeremiah 31:13).
God also “offers strength to the weak” (Isaiah 40:29), especially to those fighting the temptation to give in to depression or speak ill of the unfaithful spouse in retaliation. “God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
Learn to Forgive
It won’t be easy and it will probably take time, but God wants His children to forgive the spouse who cheated. Jesus himself refused to condemn an adulterous woman when he came across a group of Pharisees intent on fulfilling Moses’ law, which instructed them to stone her to death. Jesus said, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7). He also commanded his followers to forgive “not seven times, but seventy times seven” (Mathew 18:22). Forgiveness is not easy, but Scripture says that “if you forgive men who sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you” for sins committed against Him (Matthew 6:14).
Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean accepting a spouse’s adulterous ways and remaining in an unfaithful marriage, however. The Bible is clear about God’s hatred of divorce, but He does permit it in certain circumstances, adultery being one of them (Matthew 5:32). Joseph, for example, was prepared to “divorce” Mary (break their betrothal) after he discovered she was pregnant. If a spouse is unrepentant and continues to be unfaithful, divorce might be the only option. But forgiveness does mean letting go of the hurt and anger and trusting in God for love and support.
Surviving Infidelity
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