In the United States, each state determines who may officiate legal marriage ceremonies. While most states allow for judges and other civic officials to conduct such ceremonies, all states provide for religious weddings by allowing licensed clergy to officiate at weddings.
Wedding Clergy
Not surprisingly, most weddings in the United States are conducted by ordained clergy. According to the Bridal Association of America, there were 2,290,578 weddings in the United States in 2007. And, says the BAA, over half of all weddings in the United States take place in churches. While many couples opt for alternative locations, such as the park or beach, an ordained minister is still usually involved.
Ministers therefore need to know how to conduct weddings. Ministers should first contact their respective state to make sure they are listed as licensed clergy in that state. In most cases, a nominal fee will be required, along with paperwork validating the minister's ordination.
Before the Wedding
Author and ministry expert Stan Toler advises pastors to take couples through premarital counseling. "You should avoid officiating at weddings that haven't been preceded by a time of counseling," writes Toler. "Premarital counseling is a key to the couple's understanding of marriage - and often the key to understanding their roles as marriage partners." (Toler, Stan. Stan Toler's Practical Guide to Pastoral Ministry: Real Help for Real Pastors. Indianapolis: Wesleyan Publishing House, 2007).
The minister should walk the couple through the Bible's teachings on marriage and help the couple ensure that they are in agreement philosophically and morally about marriage, divorce, sex, children, money, etc. Premarital counseling can help couples overcome any difficulties from the past (such as if one party was the victim of childhood abuse) and address any unresolved conflict.
Protestant or Nondenominational Wedding Ceremony
The minister should then sit down with the couple and carefully plan out the wedding ceremony itself. One of the first decisions that needs to be made is whether the ceremony will be formal or informal. And then, whether it will be liturgical (formally religious with specific traditions observed), denominational (perhaps not liturgical, but still in the context of a specific denomination), or nondenominational.
An example of how the above considerations influence the nature of the wedding ceremony would be the wedding vows. A more traditional, denominational wedding ceremony would contain the traditional wedding vows, while many informal, contemporary weddings allow the couples to draft their own vows.
Ministers should know their personal convictions ahead of time, and should not participate in a wedding ceremony that goes against their core beliefs. Nevertheless, ministers should exercise patience and deference (where possible) to the couple. It's their day.
Other questions a minister should ask the couple include:
- Will the wedding be indoor or outdoor?
- Will there be a unity candle?
- How large is the wedding party?
- Do you want a ring bearer and flower girl? Will the ring bearer actually carry the real rings?
- Who else (if anyone) will be speaking?
- What about special music?
- Will there be a wedding coordinator? (Hopefully, the answer to this is "yes")
Wedding Preparation and Rehearsal
Ministers should have "template" wedding ceremonies and go-to scripture passages available long before they are ever approached by a respective couple. Advance preparation is key, when it comes to weddings. This saves the minister from having to reinvent the wheel before each ceremony.
Having said that, each wedding ceremony will be slightly unique (and some will be very unique). And each couple deserves personalized attention. For these reasons, wedding rehearsals are a must.
If there is no wedding coordinator, the minister needs to take the lead in running the rehearsal, based on what was agreed with the couple beforehand. Obviously, this leadership needs to be with an gentle hand, as the couple may request some changes at the last minute. If there is a wedding coordinator, the minister's job is much easier.
The Wedding Ceremony
When the "Big Day" comes, the minister should arrive early, talk with the parents, the groom, and (if she's available) the bride. The minister should be a calming and encouraging influence.
Most ministers use notes to guide them through the ceremony. Some ministers will size their notes to fit nicely within the pages of their Bible. Thus, from the audience's perspective, they see a pastor with an open Bible, rather than a pastor with a Bible and large notes spilling out of it.
The minister can convey confidence (even if nervous) with a smile, clear voice projection, and deliberate movements and body language. In general, ministers are confident in direct proportion to their preparation and experience. The less experienced a minister is, the more time should be spent on preparation and practice.
Wedding Clergy Guide to Success
Weddings are a rewarding part of a minister's job. They are also usually a regular part of a minister's job, especially for ministers in more populated areas and in larger churches. To be effective and successful with weddings, ministers should focus on the fundamentals. That starts with making sure they are legally licensed to conduct weddings in the first place.
Assuming they are, ministers must then make sure the couple is ready for marriage. They do this by leading them through premarital counseling and the planning process for the wedding itself. Then, ministers should take the lead in preparation and rehearsal, putting themselves in a position for success the day of the wedding itself.
Related Reading
Those who enjoyed this article should also check out "What Does the Bible Say About Marriage?"
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